A rock and a soft place.

Author: Julia · 13 October 2012

When I arrived in Istanbul, two and a half weeks after Anton's birth, our home was tiny (one room and an L shaped corridor kitchen) and surrounded by neighbours who were very curious about my arrival. Ville was director of Amnesty International here and working so many hours that we were only a few months away from me begging him to resign, despite our complete lack of security. I remember so vividly my first morning on Heybeliada with Anton: I somehow managed to get us organised despite there being no floor space after I had moved the mattress onto the floor so he couldn't fall far. I stepped outside of the door and the call went out (literally) from house to house. The village women were very unhappy that Anton was in a sling (here a small soft carry cot is favoured) and because I couldn't understand their complaints they resorted to mime. I suffered the mime of the suffocating baby, and of the cripple he would become, before pushing past and away, still too hormonal to manage a confrontation without tears.

There was never a chance I would give up baby-wearing since it has given me my freedom in a city that suffers from little forethought about, or interest in, the needs of women (or the poor or in any way disabled). When any urban planning has taken place it has been by men who have given no importance to women and children being out, independent and mobile. In a country where as little as 28% of women are working outside the home it is often presumed that women with children will not venture far from their houses. Since I have had to push Anton in a pushchair (I can't carry both of them) I have, on some especially tired days, cried with despair at the physical obstacles that pass for pavements. On good days though, when it isn't too crowded to let Anton run, or the path is manageable, we can roam this impossible city with relative ease, my little ones and me.

My big purchase for Neve was an Ergo and (using an infant insert) she has been carried for hours every day by both Ville and I. We have felt no nerves about long journeys and most of her momentary misery ceases as soon as she sees us reach for the Ergo. I felt more confident about it at the start, but a few weeks in found myself worn down by the incessant complaints people felt unable to keep to themselves. I made a few new friends on Facebook, met a cool baby-wearer at a baby group and thanks to Documenting Delight felt that I now had a community of other mothers whose opinions I was happy to hear. I also found a gorgeous picture of one of my new Facebook friends (also from the UK) wearing a sling in a forest as if it was the most natural thing in the world (well it is really). Shortly after starting this blog I realised she had one, that she is a great writer who had put so many of my feelings about being here into words, and that she rises above the limitations of this city in beautiful, baby-wearing, style.

Since we started talking Suzanne has had a new baby, so now that we meet more than virtually, both of us have one in a sling and one to push or chase. I can see that having our littlest so close and contented allows us to focus on our toddlers. Since much of my fear about having a new baby was about how it would change things for me and Anton this has been such a bonus. I love watching Suzanne walking in the city with her little new one curled against her chest. We have had concerns expressed over our choices when together too, but it is so much easier to rise above it when you have an ally. I am delighted that the two of us have joined forces.