The morning Neve was born a little demon came to live in Anton. We were quite sure that it would, despite doing our best to prepare him for a new sibling. Anton is the first child that is ours and, for me, a much longed-for second child (13 years after the first) and we, like most parents, have not held back our over-whelming joy in him. It felt as though he couldn't be anything but the calm, happy boy that he was because our devotion precipitated every stumble or sadness. But we knew something would change for Anton when Neve was born. We were not wrong.

From the first night Anton would sleep nowhere but in bed with us and Neve, and it seemed like a bad time to insist otherwise. I was still giving Anton a bed-time feed and had thought this could continue for a few more weeks. For a week Anton woke every time Neve fed (that's like every couple of hours the first few days!) and demanded he be fed too. I did my best in the hope the security it would bring him would restore his equilibrium, but whenever I moved away from him toward Neve he howled. I felt absolutely shaken by how deep his distress at night sounded, but during the day he was fine. Having my Mum there to help meant that we could create times when I could focus on Anton, and that he had lots of exciting things to do.

By the time we returned to Turkey things were already much calmer. My usual parenting philosophy of just doing whatever it takes to make them feel loved and secure paid off (no surprise there), and we have settled into the phase of the 'slightly too hard kisses'. Anton asks to kiss Neve all day but cannot yet resist exerting enough pressure to hurt her a little. Here is how it goes:

Kiss her gently Anton.

Can I kiss her again?

Anton, if she is squealing its too hard.

She's funny.

Anton please be gentle.

That was too hard Anton.

I love you so much Anton.

Anton remember to be gentle.

Neve loves your soft kisses the best Anton.

Its ok Neve, I'm watching.

That was a bit too hard again wasn't it.

You know that I love you very much. And Neve loves you and your soft kisses.

There is a very good reason why, despite feeling sad during the short time Anton was upset, that I never for a second felt any real concern. My siblings are, aside from Ville and the kiddos, the very best thing that has happened to me. I am so grateful to my parents for giving me a group of soul-mates, a gang with which to face the world. Every time my Mum got pregnant or a new child was adopted I felt jealous until I had held the new baby, and then all I wanted to do was protect. All the hardships to do with being a large family were purely financial (and feel very petty now), they were never to do with a lack of attention. My relationships with my siblings only deepen, and they are more important to me now than when I was growing up.

Of course, if I were worried I have lots of great people to talk to. This is my Mum's take on sibling rivalry (it looks like she won't be escaping it any time soon!):

Mum, Dad and most of their children and grand-children.

Sibling rivalry is as much part of the fabric of life as summer and winter and very seldom, in my opinion, does it leave real scars.  In the early stages of children having a new sibling it is only natural that the 'old' child is put out, but distractions and cuddles are definitely more succesful in making this a phase that passes in time than huge explanations and punishments. As siblings grow up in families as large as ours there will always be the sister with the better figure or skin, or the brother with the better skill in sport or with the girls, but in a balanced family siblings can take this in their stride. Families with a mix of talents, ability, looks and skills are a good training ground for life itself. Nobody can get through life without ever being hurt, rejected, outdone or misunderstood. These experiences make us human, and how we respond to them gives us the oportunity to be heroes in our own way. I know that sibling rivalry is as old as the hills, from Cain and Abel to The Wimpy kid 2, how to handle it has been discussed and debated, but unfortunately I still haven't found a solution to my BIRTHDAY CAKE DILEMMA;