Because an Aspie is the Man I Love.

When I was not so much older than Anton one of my favourite songs went like this:

Blue, blue, blue is everything I'm wearing.
Blue, blue, blue is everything I like.
Why do I always dress myself in blue?
Because a sailor is the man I love.

It had as many colour verses as my Mum could think up jobs for. Not the perfect feminist rhyme to sing to your daughters, or sons for that matter, but fun nonetheless.  When I was a little older Mum went through a (short-lived) phase of encouraging us to pray for our future husbands during our night time prayers. I loved this idea, little though I was, it was such a romantic thought that somewhere out there my spouse was growing up in preparation for us meeting, and living happily ever after. Two failed marriages, and years living in clear, comfortable atheism later, the idea that there was someone right for me seemed preposterous. I would either find someone I liked enough to spend my time with one day, or I wouldn't. I was saddest about only having one child when I had pictured a brood. I was lonely but, most days, I knew how to manage it.

Meeting Ville was everything described in songs. I felt as if the gods, frustrated by my constant mistakes, just stuck me next to the one person who would make everything good, and said 'Now for goodness sake go and have a proper life'. The idea that someone's chosen profession can be a reason (one of the reasons) that you love them, like in the song above, became truer than I had really expected. While I was at the Amnesty International AGM at which I met Ville, and it being a rare weekend without Ruskin, the friend I was with suggested we go and chat up some 'human rights hotties'! With all the confidence of someone who has been ditched for a younger, prettier model, I followed Cath to the bar. People who follow their convictions wherever they lead, (and have decent values in the first place) are a rare find. I felt immensely proud of who Ville was and the things he chooses to stand up for. I still do.

Once we had spent a bit more time together it was clear that there was something about Ville that was different. His ability to concentrate was super-human. Being the kind of person who needs a cup of tea and a biscuit every 15 minutes, I was in awe. If you asked him what he was thinking the answer would come as an explanation of a philosophical problem, or a real idea, quite unlike the 'I like that girl's shoes, what shall we have for dinner, etc' that ran through my head. I soon realised that Ville was utterly transparent, in that you could see worries pass over his face like clouds. He also never sought his own comfort: the man could be sat on lego bricks for hours and not notice till the discomfort was over. He would fall asleep in his clothes every night if you gave him half a chance. As he relaxed around me he occasionally made slight flapping movements in his excitement about a new idea or answer.When he first mentioned Asperger syndrome, it clicked.

Asperger syndrome is a condition on the autistic spectrum. It is an aspect of Ville's personality and I would never want to change it. People with Asperger syndrome often trade social skills and understanding others easily, for exceptional abilities in one or two areas. For Ville these areas are languages and analytical thinking, and he has learnt to compensate for the stuff that hasn't always come naturally. Its been useful for him while he has been working from home that he can concentrate even when all four children are at their most energetic! Sometimes we all have to ask him whether he actually took in what we have said. Yesterday Anton demonstrated his understanding of this by saying to Ville 'Don't say mmmmm, say yes'.

Now the idea that there was someone out there for me all along doesn't seem quite so daft a notion. And feeling as romantic as I do about life with Ville, having a little girl imagining the union that will one day happen, less problematic. I mean, meeting Mr or Mrs Right or Nearly Right does bring with it so much potential for joy. Its incredible to me that I got my perfect man and my brood after all. And an aspie is the man I love.

Ville in Skipton 2008
Ville in Skipton soon after we met.

Ville, Matti and Anton in Finland 2011.
Ville with Matti and Anton in Finland.

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2 thoughts on “Because an Aspie is the Man I Love.

  1. This fills me both with joy and hope xx

  2. "Human rights hotties"...what a cracker, too funny. You guys have a lovely, although somewhat complicated!, backstory. It all seems like it was meant to be. It is so interesting to read about, thanks for sharing.


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